Even if he didn't really loved me
by xXHoly QueenXx
Summary: Do you have a song that makes you drown yourself into sad and hurting memories? At least Harry does, but every time he hears it, he can only think of Draco Malfoy. The only man he have ever loved.


**Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling**

 **English is not my first language, sorry.**

My name is Harry Potter, I'm 19 years old and I'm a wizard. I live in England and actually I'm preparing myself to become an auror.

I'm always in this kinda bright mood, I joke around with all my friends and get along with almost everyone, but today… today is one of those days that you wish you were dead because you heard a song on the radio that doesn't talk about anything and talks about everything at the same time, one of those that has a good rhythm that makes everyone to stand up and dance, it doesn't really matter that it is a sad song, everybody still love it, but for some reason that song is for you the worst song that have ever existed and make you remember bad things.

Had it ever happened to you?

Right now I am sitting with my best friend Ron, we were just talking about random stuff and listen to music when I decided that it was a good idea to pay attention to the lyrics of that one song, "Don't speak" by No doubt was playing on the radio and my smile faded as quick as it came.

Ron looked at me worried, but I didn't care and I started humming the lyrics.

It all started when I was 15, I was a student at Hogwarts (The best school that exists in Europe for Wizards and Witches according to the Daily Prophet and some other random newspaper, Haha, take that Ilvermorny!… erhm, sorry)

I used to live with my muggle relatives because my parents got themselves killed while trying to train a dragon (Good job… really… a brilliant idea dad) and I never knew what love was when I was living with them, then Padfoot (My godfather… he himself is like a child) came when I was 8 and took me with him to the magical London, I became familiar with the pureblooded stuff and traditions and it was all kinda perfect.

Then he came into my live.

His name is Draco Malfoy, what is kinda weird since he is the nephew of my godfather (Draco's mother and Padfoot are cousins) and he is my who-knows-how-many-times removed cousin. Well, lets return to what he did to me.

He was attractive, yes, he really was, with platinum blond hair and silver eyes, his skin was soft and had a pretty color, he was taller than me and skinnier.

I don't really know how the hell it happened since he was a total prat and a bully, we didn't get along and we used to attack each other once in a while hoping to be able to get the other's throat cut. It was a really good thing that he was six years older than me and that he was studying at Dumstrang or we wouldn't have got alive so far.

All I know is that one day, we saw at each other eyes and kissed. It was like in a fairy tale,

He started courting me with the authorizarion of my godfather and his father.

He said he loved me so many times that I really believed it was true.

He said I was his one and only with tears on his eyes and I believed him.

We were meant to last forever.

We were going to move together when I got 16, and we were supposed to get married when I got off of age because we call our feelings love, because I didn't doubt about whatever he was talking about.

He said he loved me so many times that I ended up returning the feeling

We were supposed to have four children, Jeanne-Roque, Luna, Scorpious and Draconis, after him.

I was going to give up on my own family just so he didn't have to get separated from his.

I was going to give up on everything I used to care about just to be able to stay by his side.

We did a new friend, Pansy. Everything was fine, she said she really shipped us, because we were like those not existant proofs that love is real.

He said he didn't love me just one time.

And it felt more real than anything else.

I just accepted it, I don't know if he wanted me to fight for him but he told me not to, so I didn't.

I didn't cried that time. Because it wasn't worth of it, Padfoot tried to cheer me up but it ended in disaster and us been kicked out of the muggle bar.

The next time I knew something about him was the next day and he was with Pansy by his side, hangin by his arm.

They saw at each other the way he and me used to do, I suspect she gave him a love potion. They seemed so happy.

And I cried that time. Because I realized that my entire world was fading.

Because I lost the only man I've ever loved to the arms of the person that I used to trust the most.

And I stopped believing in love, because it's so cruel. And I stopped to be that boy that he once said he loved, because I couldn't stand watching myself in the mirror without crying.

And I lost myself. I let my head drop in Ron's lap while I started crying again and sobbing, I wanted to go and shout out loud that Draco Malfoy was a bastard. But I can't because I'm still loving him so hard.

Even if he didn't really loved me.


End file.
